The 2025 NFL season kicked off with a literal spit-take that’s got everyone from Philly to Dallas wiping their faces in disbelief. In one corner, we’ve got Cowboys QB Dak Prescott, a man who throws spirals and saliva. In the other Jalen Carter, who decided to return the favor in the most unhygienic way possible. Welcome to SpitGate, the sloppiest scandal to hit the NFL since… well, probably ever.
The Eagles just raised their championship banner, the crowd’s roaring, and we’re six seconds in—SIX SECONDS—when Jalen Carter decides to channel his inner llama and hock a loogie right at Dak Prescott’s jersey. Refs, standing there like they just witnessed a crime against humanity, toss Carter faster than you can say “unsportsmanlike conduct.” But here’s the kicker: turns out, Dak spit first.
Let’s break it down. During an injury timeout after the opening kickoff, Dak’s in the huddle, minding his business, when he feels the need to clear his throat. Instead of, you know, spitting off to the side like a civilized human, he launches one toward the ground, directly at the Eagles’ defensive huddle. Carter, already amped up like he’s auditioning for a WWE heel turn, takes it personally. “You tryin’ to spit on me, bro?” Dak, looking like he just got accused of stealing someone’s lunch money, fires back with a colorful, “Why the hell would I spit on you?” And then—splat—Carter retaliates with a direct hit. Dak points to the ref like a kid tattling in the schoolyard, and Carter’s sent packing before the first snap.
Now, let’s be real: spitting’s gross, but this whole thing is comedy gold. Imagine the Eagles’ locker room after the game. Jalen Hurts, trying to be the voice of reason, probably pulled Carter aside like, “Bro, we’re defending champs. You can’t be out here turning the field into a spitball fight.” Meanwhile, Carter’s just standing there, helmet in hand, muttering, “It was a mistake, man, won’t happen again.” Mistake? Dude, you didn’t trip and accidentally spit on a guy. You aimed and fired. That’s commitment.
And Dak? Oh, he’s playing the innocent card harder than a politician caught in a scandal. “I spit a thousand times a game,” he says, like he’s out there marking his territory every play. “I wasn’t trying to spit on him.” Sure, Dak, and I’m not trying to eat a whole pizza in one sitting, but it happens. The smirk on his face in the replay, though? That’s the look of a man who knows he just baited a 300-pound wrecking ball into self-destructing. Dak’s out here playing 4D chess while Carter’s playing checkers with his saliva.
The best part? The internet lost ugly. X lit up with fans and pundits going wild. Stephen A. Smith was out here screaming, “SPITTING?! SUSPEND THAT MAN!” like Carter committed high treason. No lies, Stephen A., but it’s football—emotions run high. And Philly fans? They’re torn between defending their boy and cringing at the optics. One Reddit thread summed it up perfectly: “Dak baited him, but Jalen took the bait and made it worse.”
So what now? What do we do with these two absolute classless and trash humans doing something so childish? We should suspend both of them. At least 1 game for Dak and at least 5 for Jalen Carter. And no – this has nothing to do with those timeline lining up with them playing The Giants. This is my 100% unbiased opinion on the matter.
Just don’t let this distract you from the fact that Jalen Carter killed a guy.
A Fan With A Mic 