As some of you may know, I wait tables and tend bars one or two times per week. The things that people request and ask me are absolutely outrageous. I decided to start writing blogs about some of these incidents. PS – That is not me in the picture. I found that on Google.
Where I primarily do my serving and bartending is at an Outback Steakhouse. As this is a steakhouse, we serve steak. Not great steak – its a chain and pretty inexpensive. There is also a picture of what a steak will look like after it is cooked. Is it always perfect? No, but it is impossible to cook a perfect steak every time.
Anyway, I had someone a few weeks ago let me know that the “Well Done” option was too pink. I did my best to not call the police as this person is clearly a serial killer. I let her know that we can do it for a couple of extra minutes – Important to note that she ordered a 6 ounce filet.
When it came out she looked at the plate in discussed and said “Why is this so fucking small?” I politely let her know that the steaks are measured before they are cooked and we have to use a weight for steaks that are done medium or higher so they can be cooked in the 10 minute expected window. She hit me with a “That makes no fucking sense.” Then she cut her steak and shouted “This is fucking pink!” as I am handing out everyone else’s food at the table. I completely ignored her until I finished handing everything out. There’s a rule in my station: If you are rude to the server, you will not be a priority.
So I take this assholes steak back, no we don’t spit on the food or do anything gross. I have worked at many restaurants, I have never seen that happen before. I bring out what can only be described as a burnt piece of leather. It looks terrible. THIS ASSHOLE SENDS IT BACK AGAIN. When I say this steak was burnt to fucking shit, I mean it. There was like 3 ounces of steak left by the time we actually got it how she likes it cooked.
This cunt cuts it and goes “this will have to do.” I responded “I don’t think it can be cooked anymore” to which she responded “That makes no sense. there’s pink in here.”Let me tell you guys this, there was no pink in tht steak at any point. She just wanted to be a fucking asshole.
Wait until you hear what she did with dessert. She ordered a cheesecake and a coffee. Important to note that whenever someone orders coffee I say, “Just a heads up, our coffee is $3.99 and nothing more that the coffee that you get at a diner.” Very nice of me right? I know. Anyway, she ordered a cheesecake and I asked what sauce she would like and she completely ignored me and continued her conversation, so I didn’t give her sauce.
When I brought the cheesecake out, she already had the coffee for a minute and she asked me if we had cappuccino to which I said, “Like I said before, our coffee is just this coffee. I think it is the same coffee that you get at a diner.”
This is word-for-word her next sentence, “Well this fucking sucks, I will need something to make it taste better. WHERE IS MY RASPBERRY SAUCE?!” I was at the point where I wanted to curb stomp this bitch. So I hit her with this in my most polite voice, “Oh I am sorry, when I asked what sauce you wanted, you didn’t answer. I assumed you didn’t want sauce.”
I got her raspberry sauce because it is clearly absolutely crucial to her diet. She said, “get us the check. We’ve been here for like an hour and a half.” They were a party of 15 who got appetizers, salads, entrees and dessert. That is actually a pretty quick table turn.
Here is where the moral of the story comes in. When she saw that I took nothing off of her check, she ERUPTED. If she was even a slightly decent human being, I probably would’ve only charged her for the cheesecake. I just let her know that I was sorry we couldn’t do more than take one of their appetizers because of the corporate guidelines – which there aren’t corporate guidelines. If you are at a chain and they say some shit like that to you, you’re being an asshole and they are going out of their way to help you.
Be nice to the people who are handling your food you fucking assholes. Thank you for reading this rant. It felt like word-vomit. I will not proof-read before posting. Sorry for typos. I will be doing more of these.
A Fan With A Mic 