Things I Am Angry About: March 22nd

I am happy to be writing the first of a weekly blog that I will put up. As I am slowly turning into an old man yelling at the clouds, I figured this would be a good outlet for my feelings. #Therapeutic.

Non-Irish People Acting Like They’re Irish On St. Patty’s Day.

This is not something that I have talked too much about, but I am very Irish. I celebrated St. Patty’s day with my family my entire childhood. Now as a 26 year old member of society, I am realizing that for one day out of the year, there are an insane amount of people who will act like they are Irish. I am all for going to a bar, wearing green and drinking until you you think the guy on the Sam Adams bottle is a hot girl.

I am not one to discriminate against the non-Irish, but if you aren’t Irish take don’t buy the “kiss me, I’m Irish” shirt.It infuriates me when people are like “I guess I have to have a Guinness today,” and power threw the one drink before resuming their weekly consumption of 20 light beers. If you don’t casually have a Guinness throughout the year, don’t drink it because you “have to” on St. Patty’s day.

St Patty’s day is simply a time where green and party. If that’s all you’re in it for, that’s great – Don’t pretend your grandparents imigrated here from Ireland and you are this crazy proud Irish-person until the hangover starts.

People Who Turn Into A Parking-Lot At 5MPH.

Serious question: What the Fuck? What in the fuck do you think you’re doing making everyone behind you slam on the breaks so you can come to a comftorable roll to get into the parking-lot. Here’s a solid rule of thumb: If you have to speed up once the turn is completed, you’re going way too fucking slow.

If I am directly behind one of these non-contributors, I simply lay on the horn until I am able to put my foot back on the gas. ESPECIALLY if it is one of the ass-fucks that thinks they should move all the way to the left side of the lane in order to get the best angle they can to pull in.

Let me just say 1 thing to all of you: Fuck You.

The Conversation Setting The Next Yearly Doctor Appointment.

I wrote about my doctor appointment this week and how my social anxiety simply does not match up well with the experience. I talked briefly about how awkward it is to schedule the next appointment. You are asked “Are you free at 9AM in one year for your next appointment?” I don’t know why, but I always make it sound like I am so busy that I have to think about what I am doing is THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS FROM NOW! I always take a two second pause before I say “uhhhh, yea I think that should work” I am given a card with the date and time of the appointment that is lost within 15 minutes of me walking out the door.

The entire conversation is beyond awkward. There is no other situation where you book the next appointment while leaving. Only the doctor and the dentist. Probably because they know that no one would go back. You don’t leave your mechanic after an oil change and make an appointment for the next one. You don’t even do it with a barber and you will be back 3 or 4 weeks later! It is one of the craziest interactions that every single human has on a yearly basis.