The movies seem to be making a comeback in 2024 and I am not at all here for it. Going to a good movie, in a good theater is great. You get to tune out everything else, don’t get distracted by your phone – just you and the movie.
But that almost never happens. You either sit there watching a trash movie for 3 hours that you can’t do anything about or the people in the theater annoy the shit out of you. You will feel gross 100% of the time because the seats are always discolored and sometimes even sticky.
My wife dragged me to the new Sydney Sweeney movie and it was one of my worst experiences of my life. Just an absolutely terrible movie. It was a Rom/Com, so I did expect it to a degree. BUT OH MY GOD was it bad. Even my wife thought it was terrible! I am not a movie critic, so I won’t give a review of the movie. I am here to talk about the experience. It was the combining of all forces to give me a bad experience.
The theater was half-empty, my wife got the tickets and bought tickets that would mean we wouldn’t sit directly next to strangers – because ya know.. she isn’t a goddamn psychopath. This group of 4 girls decided to sit directly next to us in a completely open row. The AUDACITY to plop down directly next to someone when half of the theater is open is something I can not fathom. I was like, “whatever, I’m about to see Sydney naked. This is a small price to pay.”
The previews ended and this bitch breaks out her CHINESE FOOD!
The first scene is this over-exaggerated scene where Sydney Sweeney needs to pee and Glen Powell helps her get the bathroom key at a coffee shop. Sydney splashes water onto her pants and takes what had to have been 30+ minutes drying he pants on the hand dryer. It was too over-the-top to be funny and it was the moment I knew this would be a tough one to watch.
This hoe next to me thought it was the funniest thing she had ever seen. My hatred for her became unbearable and I just spent the entire movie getting annoyed at everything this bitch did.
The movie finally ended, we left. My wife told me she thought it sucked. I realized that the discolored seats that don’t feel like they get cleaned as frequently as they should made me feel like I had to shower.
This experience combined with the group of high schoolers running around the theater when I saw the new Hunger Games (phenomenal movie) made me realize the movies are crazy overrated. When it is a hit – my God. It is great. But when it’s a miss – holy shit it is terrible.
A Fan With A Mic 