The scene opens up with a man, Tim, in an entryway of a house, waiting for the bathroom with a drink in his hand. His friend, John, walks out of the bathroom.They have a brief conversation under their breath
Tim
John, could you wait here for me and make sure no one walks in
John
Just lock the door..
Tim
I never know what to say when someone knocks. Can you please just help me out here. I’ll be 2 seconds.
John
*Laughs* You’ll be alright, buddy.
John walks away. Tim takes a deep breath and goes into the bathroom.
The scene cuts to Tim sitting on the toilet.
Tim
*under his breath* hurry hurry hurry
Someone knocks on the door and Tim panics. Tim starts grabbing a lot of toilet paper to wipe his ass.
The Person Knocking
Hello, Is anyone in there?
Tim stays silent and tries to flush the toilet. The toilet begins overflowing. John panics even more and starts to continuously flush the toilet. The water starts to buildup on the floor and flow underneath the door. Two other people knock on the door and are all yelling “Are you ok?” “What is going on in there?” “Open the door!”
Tim starts looking around the bathroom and sees a window. Tim opens the window and climbs through in. Tim walks right back into the front door, where three people are banging on the bathroom door trying to get in.
Tim
*Very calmly as if he is just arriving to the party* Oh hey, guys.
One Of The People Knocking
Hey Tim, what were you doing out there?
Tim
*panics* Oh.. Uhh… I was just… uh.. *shouts* CRACK!
*calmly* I was just doing crack.
Another Knocker
You were WHAT?!
Tim
Yea, ya know. Didn’t want to get the crack smell in here, so I stepped outside.
2 Of The Knockers One After The Other
Why are your shoes so wet? – You don’t look like you are on crack..
Tim
*Yells* Why would I say I did crack if I didn’t do crack?! That isn’t something you just say you do if you don’t do it!
There’s an awkward silence
The Third Knocker
Did you clog the toilet and climb out the window like nothing happened?
Tim panics and John walks back over.
John
John! I told you that you’d be ok!
Tim
I wasn’t ok..
John
What?
Tim
*yells* I wasn’t ok, JOHN! Someone knocked on the door, I panicked, clogged the toilet and flooded the entire bathroom! I had to climb out the window to get out of there and now I have to move again!
The scene cuts to Tim walking into a real estate agency. He walks passed the receptionist and sits with an agent.
Agent
Hi Tim, How are you?
Tim
It happened again. It was really bad this time. At least an hour away this time.
A Fan With A Mic 