As I watched The Devils lose by 45 goals at a bar after consuming enough alcohol to kill a baby elephant, I got to thinking about the first person to ever decide to go ice skating. I came to the conclusion that they had to have been a serial killer.
I can see a few people having fun, sliding around on a frozen lake. One person fell and hit his head very hard and had the genius idea of taping steak knives to the bottom of his shoes to slide around the ice. The other people probably looked at him like he was crazy. They did not know what concussions were, so it is possible they thought he was a witch and wanted to burn him at the stake.
I see this guy going back to the lake and trying to skate around on steak knives and falling over 100 times. If you’ve ever been ice skating, you know how difficult it is to do at first. Now imagine how difficult it would be with make-shift skates. The persistence and the drive to figure out how to successfully skate around for the first time is something only a clinically insane person would do.
For a person to go through all of this just to ice skate and potentially fall into freezing ice, it is extremely safe to assume there are a few bodies in this persons basement. In fact, I’m sure he used testing out the ice skates as an excuse for his victims dying. “Oh. It was so scary, another one fell through the ice testing out the ice skates. I don’t know why this keeps happening.”
A Fan With A Mic 