Episode 1 of season 45 of Survivor was .. an episode. I guess. Idk who the person is who are selecting these people to play the game. But what the fuck?
Ok. The Episode actually started off good. The first challenge didn’t involve a puzzle – so massive win. Bruce was also back after nearly dying last season. Everyone welcomed him back, except Emily. This is where everyone starts hating Emily. Fuck Emily.
Than the challenge began and Brandon can’t climb a goddamn ladder. He was just laying in the water ready to die. If you are trying to get on Survivor maybe make sure you can move around a little for 20 minutes. I was MIND BLOWN and how exhausted he was 3 minutes into the show. He needed a medic and when he got back to camp, he had to rest the majority of the time.
In the second challenge Brandon once again just couldn’t move. You would think that means he is the clear guy out. When teams lose both challenges to start the game, the weak link is always the one to go. Unless you have a psycho. Welcome back to the blog, Emily!
Her entire tribe hated her so much, that they were going to vote her out over the guy who literally could not move and was crying because he had acid reflux. Emily complained about everything and assumed Kaleb and Sabiyah took an advantage over getting the starting supplies in Sweat and Savvy – I am not even going to talk about how much bullshit that was, because this tribe is such a shit-show.
Emily kept complaining about everything and was being extremely negative towards the tribe. She also clearly thought she was “above” them for lack of a better term. She just simply is the worst. And not in a villain kind of way. Just in an annoying kind of way. And not Mary-Anne annoying. Straight up like, “I want to punch you” annoying.
They get to tribal and Hannah straight up says that she is going to quit if she is not voted off. She sounded like she had no idea what the show was or what she was getting into. She was crying about her nicotine addiction and not sleeping in a bed.
Now I am concerned that Emily is going to be around for a while. That tribe is 100% going to lose again because of Brandon and the discussion will be, “We need our flint and Brandon gives us no chance in these challenges.” I truthfully think Emily will squeak to the merge and just be so intolerable that she’ll be the first one voted out post-merge.
Silver lining: 90 minute episodes was a great idea. I feel like we are going to know the cast much better than we have in the new era. We just need an actual good cast now.
Episode Rating: F-
Winner Pick: Kaleb
No Chance: Emily & Brandon
A Fan With A Mic 
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