My Gym Journey Has Gotten Off To A “Shitty” Start

I just had to leave the gym because I almost shit myself.

— A Fan With A Mic (@AFanWithAMic) September 20, 2023

I decided to start going back to the gym. For those who do not know – because I have never spoken about it – I used to be a gym rat. Those people who think they are performing their exercises for everyone else in the gym – yea. I was one of those fuckheads. How does one get into being a gym rat? Well that is an easy answer, I was 18 and had a messy breakup. It was a messy breakup mainly because I am a narcissistic-sociopath, so naturally I decided to hit the gym to get muscles and show her what she lost. After you start going to the gym for a while you will quickly realize this is the reason about 98% of people ages 17-25 go to the gym.

I stopped going when COVID broke out because the gyms closed. I was dating my now wife and I realized that not going to the gym and having all of my joints and muscles be in pain all the time was sooooo much better than going to the gym.

I have now learned that there is an opposite extreme. I work from home and have little to no movement. I work in my upstairs and the walk upstairs has been making me out of breath. I get headaches at least once a week because my posture is now so bad. Oh. And I can’t take my shirt off in public because I am fat now.

I decided I had to get myself back into shape, so yesterday was the second day I was in the gym since May. My plan was to do a little bit of back and get a mile/mile and a half run it. Little did I know that I can no longer have Burger King for lunch and then go to the gym on the same day. I did one set of lat pull-downs and let out a silent, but VERY devastating fart. Like, I thought about going to the doctor it was so bad kind of fart.

I went to do my first working set of lat pull-downs and on the third rep almost let out a shart. So, I got up and decided maybe I should just jog a little and leave. I took about 20 paces on the treadmill and my stomach was like, “Who in the fuck do you think you are.” I legitimately had to go home before I shit myself at the gym.

Many lessons were learned. But none are more important than, I have to go to Burger King after my workouts – not before.